It's always been super hard for me to keep my closet clean.  Between busy days, work, schedules and let's be honest, a little laziness, there always seems to be a pile of clean clothes stacked in my closet.  Those days when I can't find anything to wear, to those times when nothing comes together right to those moments I toss clothes aside vowing to put them up later.  It all equals to a small closet stacked with clothes.
But here's another thing about me.  I can't stand a messy house.  I can't relax, watch tv, read, scroll the internet or even cuddle my cat if there are dishes in the sink or clothes in the washer.  Everything has to be clean and spotless with a candle lit in the background before I sit.  Everything that is, except for my closet.
I realized something though.. no one hardly goes in my room, much less my closet.  No one sees the pile of mess because it's kept in a room no one hardly goes into, except for myself.
And then one day, it hit me.  Appearances.  The parts of the house that people will see, I keep clean and spotless, but the areas that are often overlooked are neglected.
Kind of like us humans.  We hide our mess and put on facades and faces for the world.  We all do it.  There is always a piece of us that we never share with just anyone.  Few people get to see the nitty gritty reality of our lives because we work so hard to keep up appearances of perfection.
I wear makeup to hide the blemishes I notice on my face.  I contour my nose because I've always thought it was a little too big.  I fluff my hair every morning because I don't want people to see the natural, straight hair I have.
We use social media to show the good times in our life, rarely showing that one moment when you're stuck in a depression rut or crying in the car by yourself.
It's all appearances and we've all got a messy closet somewhere.
This is not an anti-social media post or anti-makeup post.  And I'm not saying we should go out and share our troubles with everyone we meet.  But I do think there should be honesty.  If someone who cares about you asks you how you're doing and you're having a bad day, tell the truth.  Be brief if you want, but be honest.  Personally, I'm a very introverted/private person and I rarely share my troubles or problems with just anyone, but I do think that honesty is so important.  God isn't fooled by our appearances of perfection and I don't think we should try to fool others.  Life is messy, definitely isn't perfect and some of us carry troubles and heartaches day to day.  But let's try and be a little more honest in our daily lives and always try to lift each other's load. <3


sad eyes on smiling faces

working in retail provides a lot of people-observing which is something that this introverted person loves to do.  numerous people flood into the little store buying and returning and exchanging.  as someone who has always been a very strong observer, there's something I've noticed that I see in a lot of the customers that come and go...
there are so many sad eyes on smiling faces.  it's been a sad observation--  people with different fashions and lives and stories who smile to hide the pain of lost dreams, past pain, and sorrow.  people whose eyes tell the story.  I always smile back, offer a compliment and hope that somehow their day, their life will get better.  I sorta pride myself on my people-observing skills, but this has been one observation that has left me sad.
sad for those who fake a smile
for those whose dreams are lost
for those who walk around trying to hide the pain
for those who carry the weight of the world in one pair of eyes

eyes tell stories but some stories are sad to read.


you get up anyway

one day you may wake up and realize your life has taken a complete u-turn from the plans and expectations you made when you were younger.  those years you spent dreaming and planning the life you would have when you became an "adult".  but life doesn't usually go as planned.  in fact, you may wake up and wonder how on earth you got to where you are and why you're not where you want to be.  you may get disillusioned, depressed, hard and allow yourself to slip into a mindset of just "rolling with it".  you might throw the towel in and give up on any hopes and dreams and succumb yourself to a life of apathy.  for a time you might allow yourself to wallow in the pain of lost dreams and dashed hopes and wander around bleary-eyed not even making goals or plans for the future.

it may sound like your typical cliche ending but I'll say it anyway.  giving up is the easy path and few people stick it out when the going goes black.  and while somedays and some mornings you may wake up and still feel the ache of lost dreams and feel a searing twinge of hopelessness, you get up anyway and I think that is what makes all the difference.

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